I have this feeling that I’m clinging into something that is uncertain. To something that is understood only by me. It’s tearing me inside and is causing me sleepless nights trying to figure out where in the hell I’ve put myself into and where I’m heading for. I’ve cared more than enough, more than what I have expected. And the worst thing about it is that, I’m not sure if I should really care.
It’s like I’m filling a jar with water, without knowing if it’s already full or half-full, or maybe the jar has a hole. But still, I keep on pouring. I don’t know when to stop, He’s not telling me to. Whichever way, I do not know. I’m blind-folded. It’s tiring I know. But it seems like if I continue, the jar would eventually be filled, He’ll reward me and will let me own the jar.
But I have to deal with the reality. That there’s a great possibility that the jar’s just broken and that no matter what I do, no matter how much my effort is, the jar won’t be filled. I have to deal with the reality and ask myself to stop thinking of the ideal. Because it might, in the long run, just leave myself hanging into something that is so unsure, confused with the vagueness of the situation, trapped and preoccupied with the things I want to happen.
I have to make myself believe that the ideal would only happen in the dream I would never want to wake-up, that the ideal is just too good to be true. I have to deal with the reality. I have to move-on without looking forward. I have to dream and realize that I’ll soon wake-up no matter how great my dream is. I have to pour without expecting that the jar would be mine. And most of all, I have to stop figuring things out, but just let things happen as they are.
Yes. I might be encountering the same situation again, but I guess, by that time, I’m wiser enough to make myself more cautious. I know I will.
I hope I will…
It’s like I’m filling a jar with water, without knowing if it’s already full or half-full, or maybe the jar has a hole. But still, I keep on pouring. I don’t know when to stop, He’s not telling me to. Whichever way, I do not know. I’m blind-folded. It’s tiring I know. But it seems like if I continue, the jar would eventually be filled, He’ll reward me and will let me own the jar.
But I have to deal with the reality. That there’s a great possibility that the jar’s just broken and that no matter what I do, no matter how much my effort is, the jar won’t be filled. I have to deal with the reality and ask myself to stop thinking of the ideal. Because it might, in the long run, just leave myself hanging into something that is so unsure, confused with the vagueness of the situation, trapped and preoccupied with the things I want to happen.
I have to make myself believe that the ideal would only happen in the dream I would never want to wake-up, that the ideal is just too good to be true. I have to deal with the reality. I have to move-on without looking forward. I have to dream and realize that I’ll soon wake-up no matter how great my dream is. I have to pour without expecting that the jar would be mine. And most of all, I have to stop figuring things out, but just let things happen as they are.
Yes. I might be encountering the same situation again, but I guess, by that time, I’m wiser enough to make myself more cautious. I know I will.
I hope I will…
